Derek and Lisa's Adoption Adventure

Faith Hope and Love

2006-03-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

These are the things that have gotten us through the past week. These are the things that will carry us through the rest of our lives.

I could bore you with all of the revelations that I (we) have had in the past week. Most of it is very religious stuff that many of you don't believe in anyway. However, our faith is very strong. No apologies or disclaimers here in referring God.

This little boy will be in our hearts forever. Personally I still consider him my son. We have tried to liken his loss to many things. Miscarriage, still birth, or even a child that was kidnapped and then found.

While these analogies are similar they just aren't quite right. A will never come and live in our home. He may never even leave Russia, but he is our son the same. Right now I consider myself to be a very lucky woman. I truly believe that the Lord sent this little boy who had nothing to us to pray for and love. There are people all over the world thinking of this little boy. Just look at the map below.

Not only did this boy have all of this love and support he now has a home, a mama and papa to love and care for him. He will never again have to wake up in the orphanage. My prayers have been answered.

So where does that leave us? Well... moving forward. Jen put it best. Adoption Adventure was all about A. She is correct. The past year our lives have revolved around that one little person. We felt it only appropriate to start fresh with a new blog. So this will be our last post from Adoption Adventure. We are packing up and moving to some new digs. Go check it out. Our new blog is called Unexpected Miracles. It will chronicle the second act in our adoption journey. We hope that you will continue to follow along with us. Adoption Adventure will still be here. We are going to leave it for people to refer back to. We don't want to erase the last year, we just want to move forward.

Bye Little A. We're going to miss you!

"Pray to God, but continue to row toward shore." -Russian Proverb

The unthinkable...

2006-03-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

The unthinkable has happened. As you know, L and I waited all weekend because our agency facilitator had told us last week that we should be receiving an update about A on Monday. Well Monday finally rolled around and I came home to find a message from Olga on our phone. She asked that we call her back right away because she had info to share... there was a problem with A. As you can well imagine my heart sank as soon as I heard those words.

So, L and I sat together in our office and called Olga back. She asked if L was with me and I answered yes. I put her on speaker-phone so that we could both hear what she had to say. Now I don't know if it's because she talks so fast and has a heavy Russian accent or if it was because she was saying words we didn't want to hear, but we we're having a hard time understanding. The news that we had been waiting all weekend to hear, was the most devastating news that I have ever heard in my life. Our boy, the one we had been waiting to go get for over 9 months, was no longer available. Our hearts broke immediately. Here we had been patiently waiting, hoping, loving this little boy in Russia and now in one moment, he was gone.

You might be wondering (I know we are), "How could this happen?" Well, the MoE changed the rules late last year. The new rules requires that all family members be notified before the child could be adopted. It also requires that the child be seen by 3 different Russian families before being placed with a foreign family. So in the process of all of this, one of the Russian families saw little A and chose to adopt him.

So the question that we've been asking in our heart and out loud in the last 24 hours is "Where do we go from here?" In the process of our crying and grieving last night we really didn't have a clue. We couldn't really bear to think about it. With each passing hour it becomes a little more clear. We know this much: We aren't giving up that a child that is meant to be part of our family and we still believe that he (or she) is in Russia. We will continue to grieve the little boy that has been in our hearts for nearly a year, but have some peace knowing that he has a forever family and no longer has to live in an orphanage. It doesn't make it hurt any less but at least it allows us to move ahead.

So now, even with a heavy heart, we forge ahead. We ask all of our friends and family for your thoughts and prayers during this time. We have to believe that some things happen for a reason. At this point we don't know what that reason is. We don't know why this child wasn't meant for us, but continue to believe that there is one out there that is. We are continuing to put our trust in God and walking the path that he lays in front of us. We don't know where it will leads us but I know that together we can get through anything.

Surprise!

2006-03-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

The iPod fairy visited us this weekend!!!! Woo Hoo!!!

The majority of you know D's obsession with the iPod. He has wanted one for months. The obsession is so well known that other people blog about it. (ok, secretly I really wanted one too, but just so I wasn't left out)

So we have this fantastic dinner with D's parents on Friday night and when we get back to their house Dad brings us these cute little gift bags. Inside... oh yeah! beautiful black iPod Nanos.

I thought for sure that as soon as we got home that night D would be sitting in front of the computer downloading every CD onto the computer. Amazing enough he didn't. We went straight to bed. However, after breakfast he didn't even wait for me to finish my coffee before getting up to play with his new toy. Wanna see it?

I will admit that the one with the headphone cord attached is mine, and I will also admit that the other end of the cord is firmly planted in my head.

Now the gift of the iPod did not come without its drawbacks. Of course, as with the TiVo incident*, we couldn't just download the songs onto the slim black beauties. Not only did new software need to be installed on my already overloaded computer, but new hardware as well. I asked D that if he installed a new piece of hardware to the inside of my computer that he had to promise me that it would work when he was done. He of course promised nothing. Yes the new hardware was a USB 2.0 card that had to be installed inside my computer.

The normal person wouldn't panic when her very technologically savvy husband says he is going to open up a computer case. But I am not a normal person. I never shut my computer off. NEVER. I am afraid that if I do it will never start again. Then what would I do? How would I check my email? There is so much stuff hooked to my computer I could wire a 3rd world nations. I am not kidding. Look for yourself... This is the area that my computer normally sits. It had been disconnected at this point.

Attached to my computer is (was) 3 printers, a monitor, keyboard, mouse, digital card reader, scanner, palm pilot docking port, Cable modem router, Vonage router, microphone, speakers, and USB hub. Now and iPod.

Of course if you will also please note the copious amounts of dirt and dust where the computer once sat. This sparked an unexpected allergy attack on my part. The frivolous use of canned air with in my exposed computer did not help the situation. So I had to retreat to the couch and leave my computer unsupervised. I really did start to worry when D made many trips to the garage for various tools and eventually a can of WD-40.

Needless to say my computer still works. The fan is a little noisy, hence the WD-40, but my iPod is just fantastic!! Now if I could just figure out how to make the photos run while the music is playing I would be a happy camper.
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*The TiVo required the purchase of 2 very expensive new cables to require one remote for the TV, cable box and sound. Veeeery long story.

Managing the adoption expense

2006-03-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

Funding an adoption is a difficult matter. I am sure many of you out there have looked at your significant other or someone in your life and said, "how the hell can we afford this?"

D did the same thing to me when I told him I felt the call to adopt. At that point I wasn't quite sure. I just knew this was something I had to do.

In my infinite research I started looking for anything and everything that would help. Loans are not really an option for us. I subscribed to a yahoo group about fundraising for adoption. Let me know if you want info on this one because this group is great! I also did my homework on grants. Ahh, the ever elusive "free" money.

I was lucky enough to find a list of available grants. There are approximately 52 organizations listed here. Of those 52 we qualify for 6. Yes, only 6. Actually it is 7, but D refuses to profess his belief in the "creation story." Anthropologist issues.

Last spring I dutifully filled out applications for these 6 grants. I received rejection letters from all but 1. We were fortunate enough to actually get a grant from an organization here in Washington. We are so thankful for their gift.

Anyway, as I find myself getting closer to bringing the boy home my thoughts turn again to the finances. With some odd luck and a whole lot of hard work we had managed to gather all the money needed to complete our adoption. Then came last September. Remember the day? When we heard that we would have to travel back to Russia to see 8 doctors. That put a little damper in the financial happy dance. So here we are. Needing money again. Shocking.

Today I revisited my list of grants. I was able to find one more that we qualify for. 1 that we had applied for, but the people we listed as references never sent their questionnaires back and one application that I have yet to send in.

My question is if there are over 50 agencies out there why do we only qualify for a piddly 6? Our advantage at the 6 is that we are Christian people. Of the 6, 3 are Christian organizations that require you to complete a faith statement or a salvation statement or some other God based form. What about those families that don't have a strong belief in God? Why are they excluded? Better yet... why am I excluded from applying because I am not adopting a special needs child? You can't tell me that my boy isn't going to have issues from living the first 2 years of his life in an orphanage.

Last year D and I made a commitment to each other. When this is all said and done we want to start our own grant foundation. We want to welcome all applicants. Doesn't matter what agency, what religion, what country you are adopting from, what nationality you are, what needs you feel you can handle as a parent or anything. EVERYONE. No more discrimination.

The Weekly Update

2006-03-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

Only 9 comments?! 9?! And 2 of those were from the same person!! Please oh Please don't make me go with the politics. With as many people that read this blog I am surprised at the number of people that don't comment. I won't bite I promise. Like how I am trying to guilt you into commenting? I'm special like that.

So without further ado... This week's update is brought to you by Jack's raging bile duct. So sue me. I need to watch a little of the Fight Club and Brad Pitt action.

When we last left our freaked out mom-to-be she was frantically obsessing over the mounting paperwork that was now once again required.

I have completed the necessary paperwork and a few additional things that have been added. Like new employment letters, a new financial form and I advised my special social worker that we needed a letter from DSHS.

As far as agency info goes, nothing can move forward until our facilitator in Khabarovsk has an actual hard copy of the accreditation certificate. She should have that by Monday.

On a troubling note, there is a new judge in town. We'll call her Judge Newbie. Judge Newbie is a little intimidated by proceeding over adoptions due to previous bad press. Let's just say that her first court hearing was a little longer than normal. The good news is we won't end up being her guinea pigs. She is quite green and is taking a little time at getting accustomed to the whole international adoption process. All in all the process is not expected to go as smoothly as it has in the past.

But you want to hear the best news ever!!! We were informed that by Monday we should have an update on the boy!! We are expecting to get height, weight, updated medical info and maybe even a photo. This is going to be the longest weekend of my life. I cannot wait. I bet my little guy looks like a toddler by now. Please Lord let him have hair. (the child was a bald as a cue ball in June)

So there you have it. A little bit of good news mixed in with the so-so news. I'll take what I can get at this point.

Coffee Talk: Parenthood

2006-03-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

For months I read the blog of one of blogging's greats. Soper. Ah how I miss you Soper. Soper is an infertile turned adoptive mom. She and her husband recently returned home from Kazakhstan with their baby girl Moonpie. A regular feature on her blog was Infertile Coffee Talk.

I have frequently threatened my readers with a politically charged debate, however I am not politically motivated at this point. Just wait until Presidential elections roll around. Then I will have something to say.

In honor of Soper and Coffee Talk I thought I would institute this feature here. This will be an opportunity for you numerous lurkers to come out of the woodwork. I thought I would start with something that was actually published as part of the Uterine Wars Coffee Talk.

Top 10 things I resolve to do as a parent.

1. I too will not throw elaborate birthday parties requiring me to purchase gifts for all small children in attendance. I did not get gifts at a friend's birthday party when I was a kid.

2. I will kick my child outside on nice days. Despite the fact that I watched way more Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street than the average child I did play outside on a regular basis.

3. I will give my child every opportunity to think for himself.

4. Much to my chagrin, if my son wants to play soccer I will let him. (don't think I won't try to talk him into hockey first)

5. I will make every attempt possible not to give in to whining. Even if this causes stink eye from the old ladies and other mommies in the grocery store.

6. I will expose my child to as many learning possibilities as he can handle.

7. I will be the adult in the house.

8. I will not be super sanitary mom. Boys are meant to get dirty.

9. I will make sure that we are a family first and foremost. I do not want our child to take over the relationship that D and I have worked for nearly 10 years to build.

10. I will strive to be the best mom I know that I can be.

I am very aware that there are resolutions that we make as a parent that fly right out the window as soon as our children come home. Many of these will probably fit into that category.

Your topic of discussion is to either complete your own list of resolutions as a parent or to inform those of us who are pre-children what resolutions you made that you did not keep. Post your feedback in the comments section. Don't be afraid please. I am sooo not a judgmental person and welcome everyone. You have until Thursday, 7:00 p.m. Pacific, time to post your thoughts since the Weekly Update gets posted at 7 on Thursdays.

I like being popular

2006-03-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

I was such a nerd in high school. I was the type of kid that hung out with the band geeks. I didn't play an instrument (although I tried to teach myself the flute once.) I was just that nerdy.

My secret squirrel stat counter informs me that there are a whole ton of you viewing our blog. Granted most of yesterday's count comes from D posting our blog address on adoption.com, but still. We had 138 unique visitors yesterday and our counter from June is over 11,000! Congrats to the person who was 10,000 by the way. I would have sent you a lovely prize for that, but I've got nothing. Would you like a cat?

So with 138 people visiting you would think that there would be more comments. Sure the content of the blog has been a little less than thrilling to comment on, but hey just leave us a note and introduce yourself. You really don't want me to whip out that politically charged debate do you?

I have nothing on the adoption front. So in the mean time I will tell you a little about Khabarovsk.

It is pronounced huh-BAR-ovsk. Not HA-ba-rosk. I know this because we have a very good friend that lives in this town. We were lucky enough to get to see her during our trip in June. Her name is Galina and she is ex soviet military turned humanitarian. She worked with a project called To Russia With Love in the mid 90's. My MIL worked with this project and that is how we met her*. We have a few other friends in Khab (Hahb) also.

Khab is a town of about 700,000 people. It is located in Far East Russia (not technically Siberia) right on the Chinese border. The Amur River separates China from Russia at this point. Khab sits right where the Vladivostock peninsula meets the mainland of Russia. The town is built on 3 big ridges. The 3 main streets run atop these ridges. If you wander off the main street (Amurskya Ulitsa) you have to go down a big hill and back up the other side to get to the next main street.

I absolutely love Khabarovsk. The people are very friendly, the main areas of town are quite clean and there are even a few little museums and places to visit. The people speak very little English, which can be difficult, but the ones who do speak English are often willing to translate for you.

One of the best parts is that there is a brand spankin' new hockey rink in town. It is called Platinum Arena. If you follow the Webcam #1 link you may be able to see a live shot of it. That camera doesn't seem to work all the time though. So for your viewing pleasure here is a photo from June. Leave it to the hockey player to find the rink in town. I am thinking I am going to have to sneak my skates into my suitcase for the next trip.

I will try to post more photos of town later. I have quite a few of them. Shocking.

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*Her meaning Galina, not my MIL. Just had to clarify that one.

The Real Deal

2006-03-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to AIA's website and a picture of their brand spankin' new certificate of accreditation. I can hardly believe it!

http://www.akadoptions.com/sub/certificate.html

It's Official!

2006-03-04T09:41:00.000-08:00

We told you last week that AIA had been notified of their reaccreditation and could pick up their certificate on March 6th. Well, the Russian MoE has updated their website and officially announced the agencies that have been reaccredited! This final step makes it 'real' for me. Here is the link to official website so you can see for yourself:

http://www.usynovite.ru/international/ru/foreign_agencies/

Yes, I know it's in Russian. You can scroll down to the very bottom of the page to see the most recent agencies. (the names are in English so you can read them)

Also a big congrats to all of our bloggy friends whose agencies have been reaccredited as well! Here's hoping for quick release letters (or in some cases, referrals) and travel dates very soon.

-D

The Weekly Update

2006-03-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

This week's update is brought to you by Girl Scouts of America. Wanna know why? Cause it is that time of year again! Go hunt yourself a Girl Scout today.

You would think that with the whole reaccreditation thing that I would have more to update you all on. However, until Olga has the "official" certificate in hand everything is tenative.

There are quite a few of us in the group and here is a run down of who is who and what are they waiting for.
Waiting for Court Dates:
Mary & Brian
Kathy & Eric
Michelle & Jack
Kim

Waiting for Release Letters:
Kathleen & Eric (affectionately called K&E)
Danielle & Jeff
Candy & Doug
Lisa
Us

Waiting for First Trip:
Jamie & Suzanne

Waiting for Referrals:
Rhonda & Brian
Cathy & Nick
Catherine
Cindy

(I apologize if some of you are married. I just don't know all the husband's names.)

So there are a few families that have tenative travel dates at the end of March. J&S are scheduled to travel at the beginning of April and the rest of us are still in the dark. That is about it for the weekly update. Now I will bore you of what paperwork is currently making me stupider. See, I said stupider. D's theory is correct.

This week I visited yet another new doctor and got her to write a letter stating that I am physically and mentally capable of raising a child. Little does she know! I also got our passports copied, the Commitment to register the child with the Russian consulate and the commitment to provide post placement reports finished. Now I have to work on completing the financial form for the home study without losing my mind causing the doctor to revoke that very nice letter she wrote. We also have to contact the oh so special social worker to get a letter from DSHS about the HS agency. We have to wade our way through the very scary people at the City building to get new police clearance letters and contact the WA state vital statistics office for a new copy of our marriage certificate. Then... go and have it all apostilled.

Aren't you jealous? Don't you wish you were me?

What was I going to say?

2006-03-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

As I lay in bed this morning at 2 a.m. wide awake I had this great idea for a post. I actually should have gotten up and written it. Because now that I am sitting in front of the computer I totally can't remember what I was going to write. I just have this problem with getting out of the bed in the middle of the night. I am a total insomniac, but I would rather lay in bed listening to D and the cats snore than get up and watch TV, use the computer or anything else. It sucks!

So since that whole adoption thing is moving forward I suppose I should really post about that. We are still in the throws of the paperwork nightmare. Our new concern is over the financial paperwork. One piece of paper gives an outline of your financial situation, another are employment letters from D's employer and one from our accountant for me. The last is the homestudy. All of the dollar amounts have to match. The problem is that D and I don't file our taxes until sometime in September. (we are procrastinators because we owe every year instead of get money back) Sooo, our original home study reflects earnings from 2003 & 2004. The employment letters and financial statement reflect earnings from 2004. It took us about a month to get it all figured out last July so it jived. Well now that we have to have the stinkin' home study update it won't match anymore. But our employment letters and financial form don't expire until July. And of course D was a straight commission sales person so our "salary" is never the same. In other words, he made less last year than the year before.

Now I have to go through all of our tax info to find out exactly how much we did make, let the coordinator know and find out what to do about the paperwork. The other issue is that D's employment letter has to come from Wisconsin. Of course then it has to be apostilled in the state of Wisconsin. Fortunately, in WI you don't send the original document to the Sec. of State., so the HR guy tells us who the notary is, we mail off the request and attach it to the document ourselves.

Doesn't this all sound so confusing? Trust me it is. If you or someone you love is considering an international adoption please asses your (or their) organizational skills. If all parties involved in the adoption are disorganized procrastinators please reconsider. I tell you this because I care. Really, this too is a public service.

Never take an adoption "break"

2006-02-28T09:12:00.000-08:00

Up until mid September we were busy with different bits of paperwork. When we came home in June we had a whole second set of paperwork to do. When that was finished the Russians changed the rules and we had to have a new Certificate of Residency. Sounds simple, but you try getting a very specific letter typed on Chase Manhattan letterhead and notarized! That took about 2 months. Once we were finished with the CoR there was nothing.

Essentially we have taken an adoption break for the last 5 months. No paperwork, no shelling out any money... nothing. Last Wednesday we were hit with the realization that we have some serious paperwork to re-do. Unfortunately according to the "laws" of international adoption paperwork expires. Don't ask me how a marriage certificate expires, but it does. Here we are thrust back into the paperwork nightmare.

The first order of business was our homestudy. We had to get a 2-3 page update on our homestudy. That is actually a story I will let D tell in the Stupidity blog. It is that good. Our Social Worker informed us that we need letters from our doctor stating that we were in good health and competent to raise an adopted child. Easier said than done in this house. I changed docs this last fall because our old doctor is not the best in the world. When I called the clinic to get New Doc to write this letter the lady kindly informs me that New Doc has moved out of the state. Great. Also, since D has never been into the clinic they can't write his letter and won't be able to see him until March or April. Well that won't do. D either has to go back to Dr. Not so Hot or to a local walk in clinic for a basic physical. He gets to make the call on that one.

Then, I get an email from our coordinator this morning listing all the other paperwork that is expiring. Marriage certificate (that we have to pay to get), copies of passports (they are printed when the expire! in 10 years!), new police clearance letters (at $20 a shot), and other miscellaneous items. She also breaks the bad news that there is yet another NEW piece of paperwork required. A letter from our state Department of Health and Social Services stating that our homestudy agency is licensed to write post-placement reports and is in good standing. Have you heard the horror stories about WA State DSHS? Hopefully I can pin this one on the Social Worker since he is the one that works with the homestudy agency.

Of course it is not enough that we have to re-do all of this paperwork, but it all has to be apostilled* again. At $15 a page the cost can mount. When we had our initial dossier apostilled I wrote a check fro $321. I think it will be around $150 this time, but still.

Now try throwing all of this paperwork re-do in the mix with the various other things I volunteered for to keep myself busy. Sure... you all said L get out of the house. Get away from the computer. I DID. I volunteered for all kinds of things. I am helping out with the Women's World Day of Prayer that is this Friday, I am doing all the sets and costumes for our church production of Godspell (that is in a month), I am on the youth and family ministry team and we are putting on the Shrove Tuesday Pancake Feast tonight and I took a part time job as our church secretary. Couple that with trying to complete stacks of paperwork and you've got yourself one freaked out lady.

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*apostille: a notary of the notary; a state seal stating that the person that notarized a document is a notary in good standing.

I'm gonna be a Mom

2006-02-25T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today brings a little less of the freaking out. I still have no clue what to do with this thing when it arrives. Like what do you feed it and what do you do if it cries. Most people gradually evolve into toddler parenting. But not us Buddy. Bam!! Instant Destructo-Kid. My house will never be the same. I am not sure if I am prepared for that. I guess it is a little too late at this point though.

On a totally different subject... How do you know when you have the best husband in the world? Well I'll tell you. When you are driving down the road trying to figure out what to do for the day and your husband turns to you and says, "Well we could go to the mall and get you an outfit for court." This is nearly as good as him giving permission to purchase the handbag you have always wanted. You know the one. The one in the locked glass case that if you have to ask how much it costs you can't afford it. Yeah just like that.

D is the best. He is one of the rarest of the male species. He actually likes to shop. We can thank his sisters for this one. He has 2 older sisters. Thanks Lee and G. Pretrained shopping males are very hard to come by. D is the stereotypical Metro-sexual. He loves to shop!!! Bonus for me. Back off ladies! He's mine and there is no way I am giving him up!!! EVER!!!

During this shopping extravaganza I did manage to get myself an outfit for court. I am not much of the suit kind of girl. I have no occasion to wear them. So I ended up with a tweed partially pleated skirt in a dark plum, a sleeveless light plum blouse and a light sweater in dark plum also. The outfit looks quite nice. It has been deemed by the shopping male to be suitable for court. I asked if he thought the judge would give me the child if I wore this. He thought she would.

Now what?

2006-02-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

First... I am totally freaking out! I went through this stage about 8 months ago. It is inconceivable to think that I could be responsible for another human life. Have you seen the pile of clothes next to my bed?

I look around our house and see all of the stuff that still needs to be completed. More baby latches, clean all of our junk out of A's room, and get a ton of stuff that little people need. We have nothing!!!

So you probably are asking why can't we just jump on a plane and go get the guy. It all boils down to waiting for more paper. During the arduous 8 months, things they were a changin' in the former Soviet Union. First the MoE decided they weren't going to give any more release letters* to clients whose agencies were not accredited. Second, the regular judge in Khabarovsk went on vacation in September. During her holiday another judge presided over adoption hearings. This judge decided to start enforcing a law that had previously been overlooked. He said that adoptive parents must complete a medical evaluation by 8 different Russian doctors. He would not schedule any court dates without this little piece of paperwork.

This meant bad news for us professional waiters. Those stuck in between trips would be required to make an additional 3rd trip to Khabarovsk (or Moscow) to complete this medical form. THEN the judge would schedule the court date.

Here are the following scenarios on getting A home:

#1. Once our Russian facilitator has the Certificate of Accreditation in hand she will then reapply for our release letter. It will take about a month for that piece of paper to come from Moscow. Once we have our release letter we will be able to fly to Khabarovsk for our medical exams (it is too expensive to do it in Moscow). Once in Khab we will get poked and prodded by 8 different docs. The good news is we will get the chance to see A.** We then fly home, sans child and wait for a court date.

#2. The release letter timeline is still the same, but the trips are different here. Depending on the timelines for the families who already have release letters, we might get to take one long trip. There is a break even point. Anything less than 26 days it is cheaper to stay in Khabarovsk than to fly home. Derek's boss has said that as long as he is able to work (has an internet connection) he will not have to take vacation time. So theoretically we could pull a Melissa and Jason and live overseas for 6 or 7 weeks. The bonus is I wouldn't have to leave A a second time. This would be a big life saver on my sanity.

I am voting for option #2, but I am scared to death of living in Russia for almost 2 months. Best case scenario we will travel for our medical trip at the end of March, beginning of April and then wait about 4 weeks for a court date.

So the reaccreditation was a good thing, but alas we are still waiting.

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* release letter: piece of paperwork releasing A from the Federal Data bank.
All Russian orphans are put on a federal data bank for 6 months and a regional data bank for 2 or 3 months (I can't remember how long exactly) Prospective adoptive parents must sign a piece of paper stating they wish to adopt this child and for that child to be released from the federal data bank making them eligible for international adoption.

The long awaited update

2006-02-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

I know this week's update should be brought to you by some fancy champagne, but really we can't afford fancy champagne. So this week's update is brought to you by the makers of "Never Freeze Ink"*.

First I want to say thank you to all of you who posted comments and sent emails of congratulations. It really did feel good. Celebrate for us, but please keep the prayers coming for Margaret and Jen. They need your strength right now.

So I bet you are all dying to know how the whole day went down. Thank God for ECD! I wrote the earlier post and then went to do other things. I happened to randomly sit down and check my email and there was one from our coordinator. I really wish I had a video of this moment. It was like something out of a cartoon. I stared at the computer. Stared, stared and then I became a blubbering idiot as if in slow motion. I called D and he thought something was terribly wrong. I asked if he could come home for the day and I told him why. He said he would be on his way.

I spent the remainder of the morning on the phone calling everyone. Moms, grandparents, friends, work. I was so excited I was shaking!

D got home and we hugged and cried. (ok, I cried, but I had been doing that for about 30 minutes already) We called more people and then tried to figure out what to do to celebrate. We both had some work to finish. We spent a little time finishing up what really needed to be done (so hard to concentrate) and then we were off.

Where did we go? Well... 2 expensive 4 U** is where we went. What self respecting person wouldn't. We updated our registry list, because if I were actually pregnant I would be competing with an elephant at this point. This is the 2nd time my "due date" has been changed. We scoured the store looking for a hockey jersey. None to be found. So what did we buy for A? Hangers. We are going to be terrible parents. We have waited almost 9 months for this day and we buy hangers.

D, however, had the grand idea to blow some money (that we really don't have) on something for us. We have not spent a dime on ourselves in a very loooooong time. His idea was a couple of iPods. Neato huh? Up until the sticker heart attack I was all for this. I really did know how much they were, but I don't think I was prepared to actually spend it. I just couldn't justify spending that much on something totally frivilous. (this coming from the woman who carries a designer handbag)

We marched around the store in silence and out the door sans iPods. D looks at me in the car and says, "I'm disappointed, but you are right." The man really wants and iPod. Of course so do I.

After the iPod debacle we head toward home. I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning out A's closet and putting those hangers to good use. Around 5:30 D's parents show up so we can go to our Celebratory Dinner. This is where the fun starts.

We ate dinner at Stanley and Seafort's. It is a local restaurant much like McCormick and Schmick's. We had drinks, a fantastic meal, more drinks and best yet... dessert! This joint makes the best Key Lime pie in the world!!! I love Key Lime Pie. I am not much of a dessert eater, but this couldn't be missed. It was a fantastic evening. Thanks M&D for dinner!

Once home we played A's movie. D made this awesome video from our first trip. It has photos and videos all set to music. I can't tell you how many times I have watched it. Last night it was extra special.

So the day wasn't as huge as it could have been, but we got to spend the day together. With us that is all that counts really.

I have so many more posts running around in my head, but I will hold off for now. Like D said, "hold on A, momma and daddy are coming!"

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*For the story of Never Freeze Ink Click here

**2 Expensive 4 U is the secret name of Babies R Us as dubbed by Lauri

The Day We've Been Waiting For

2006-02-22T13:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, that is right. We received word from our agency today that they have been notified by the MoE that they have been reaccredited to work in Russia! We can hardly believe it. After all this time it seems surreal to us. Our agency will have their certificate 'in hand' on March 6th. We are SO excited that I can hardly put it into words. It has been a long 8 months to wait but now things are finally moving forward. We want to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts and prayers. We could never had made it through this without you. Keep those prayers coming for a quick turn around on our release letter. Here is hoping that we can get A home around Easter. We'll update the blog as we get more information about release letters and travel dates for our medical trip. We're really bouncing off the walls at this point and going out tonight to celebrate this amazing news! Hang in there A, momma and daddy are coming soon!

Unloading

2006-02-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

Things have been moving forward in the adoption world, but not for us. I first want to preface all of this by saying that I am truly happy for all of those who have received good news in the past few weeks. You have all been my friends and support through this wait and for that I will be forever grateful. To let the remaining readers in on the good news outside of our house here it is.

Gaye and Andrew received their official referral this week. They will be traveling March 11th to meet Roman, an 11 month old little boy in Kalingrad Russia. They have waited since August for their referral, so this was a long time coming. Go on over to their site and send them a big congratulations!

Lauri and John got word today of a March 14th court date. They had expected to wait at least 4 weeks for a court date. This was very fast! Lauri will have her dream come true of her daughter in her arms by St. Patrick's Day. Please congratulate them too.

In our little world there is no news. And please trust me when I tell you that when we do have news you will know. You will be able to hear me on every corner of this earth. Mary-Mia summed it up the best. The best thing you can do for us is to not ask. We know this is difficult. We know that you ask because you care, but at this point we don't have the emotional strength to talk about it right now.

What we would really like are comments like, "I am sorry you are having to go through this." or "I am not going to ask, just know that my prayers are with you everyday." Follow this up by a hug. Of course if you do this please expect a very long hug and a very wet shoulder. (at least from me)

Despite my overwhelming joy for those who did receive good news I can't help but feel raging jealousy. Both D and I are having a bout with the "it's not fair" right now. How can you pray and pray and pray for a child just to have your prayers go unanswered? How can you watch it be so easy for those around you.

Just for the record this is what we have encountered in the past 12 months.

Fertile family member #1 brings home an adopted baby girl to add more estrogen to her house.
Fertile friend #1 gave birth to a healthy, but premature baby girl.
Fertile friend #2 gave birth to a healthy and adorable baby boy
Fertile friend #3 gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
Infertile friend #1 brought home a domestically adopted baby after starting the adoption process after us.
Infertile friend #2 receives a referral for an adorable baby girl.
Fertile friend #4 becomes pregnant with child #2 before child #1 is 1 year old.
Fertile family member #2 gives birth to a healthy baby boy.
Infertile friend #3 receives a referral for a wonderful baby boy.
Infertile friend #2 receives a court date to bring home the adorable little girl.

That's a lot of babies huh? I am happy for every single one of those mothers. I have dutifully gone out and purchased a gift or made something for nearly every one of them. My heart is warmed knowing that all of these children have mothers who I respect with every fiber of my being. But at the same time I am jealous. and I believe I have the right to be jealous.

I have watched the excitement mount around these women. I have heard people ohh and ahh over round swollen bellies. I remember the excitement that surrounded us when we got the referral for Alexander. The tears that were shed. The butterflies in our stomachs as we prepared to fly 1/2 way around the world to meet him. And I watched that excitement fade. It became like this gray stain. Something that lingers over us. Long gone are the days of the baby blue bibs and the rattles. Quickly approaching are the days of matchbox cars and a crib that will be obsolete. A crib that has never been slept in.

I remember every holiday last year. I remember saying, "next year we will be able to buy him is first little Easter outfit." Easter will likely come and go with no A.

Please know that I am not in that deep dark place of a few weeks ago. I am actually happy. I have disconnected myself from the rumor mill. I have spent the majority of my days away from the computer (except for the occasional ECD flare up.) I am being a productive member of society. But underneath it all is this feeling of "it's not fair."

I kindly ask that you don't bring up the adoption. Please don't tell me you understand unless you are right there with me, going through the same thing, or have gone through it before. Just tell me you are sorry or that you are praying for us. And... I can always be comforted with a coffee, an order for a quilt, or the offer to take me to a plant nursery. And as for D, take him out for a beer. He'd like that.

Welcome baby Lucas!

2006-02-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

My mom called me today to tell me that my cousin Kate gave birth to her son Lucas. Of course I think Kate had the baby a few weeks ago. It took my mom that long to call. This is not because my mom just never got around to it, she was trying to spare my feelings.

D and I had a conversation about this a few weeks ago. I knew Kate was due at the middle to end of January. I thought it was rather strange that no one had called to tell me. I told D I was a little torn over this one. I wasn't sure if I was irritated that no one called to tell me or if I was happy. The happiness would be from the realization that my family actually acknowledges the fact that I am not in a good place right now. The whole mention of babies, other people having them and me not kinda puts me a little over the edge at this point. My mom really struggled with telling me that Lucas was now part of our family. She didn't want to see me hurt, but at the same time she didn't want me to feel left out of the family.

I am very happy for Kate and Juan! My mom did send me photos (with my permission of course) and he really is a beautiful little boy. There is a photo of him with his daddy and it is just enough to melt your heart. Over 10 pounds too! What a big boy!

So... congrats to the Estrada family on their new addition!! I wish you didn't live so dang far away! Rhode Island is a little far to go just for some baby sniffin'.

Protesting Stupidity

2006-02-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know about my new ranting blog. L convinced me that I needed to start a blog to protest the stupidity of the world. SO here it is:

Protesting Stupidity

I can't promise how often I will update it. But when something strikes me as totally stupid and needs to be pointed out, I'll do it. Consider it a public service.

Six degrees of Chicken

2006-02-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

I am aware that it is Thursday and that many of you are expecting the weekly update. Well I hate to break it to you. This week's update is brought to you by none other than fried chicken.

There is no news.

On with the rest of the post...

I know the last thing you want to hear is more about chicken. But talk about scary coincidence. I read the comments on a lot of people's blogs (don't ask, it's better that way). I followed a profile on a comment on Rhonda's Blog to Liv's blog and from Liv's blog I followed a profile to Twirl's blog*. Upon a little reading I found this post on Twirl's blog. I am not going to link the actual post because it actually mentions the name of NFCPR and since this household is evidently Protesting their stupidity I think it is best that, at Adoption Adventure, they remain nameless**.

where hungry people like to eat
After a long day of house and yard work yesterday, P really wanted NFCPR for dinner. Even though I had specifically shopped for weekend food, I knew he was proud of himself for all that he'd gotten done and I gave him the green light to go get takeout for himself.

After being gone for about 30 minutes he returned empty handed.

"They're out of chicken."

"huh?"

"They're out. of chicken. out."

"How can they be out of chicken?"

"I don't know. They just are."

Yeah, he was a wee bit cranky.

They may or may not have biscuits and mashed potatoes. They're likely out of honey (though if they are, they will give you grape jelly packets if you bitch.) The sad moral of this story is not to count on National Fried Chicken Parts Retailer to actually have chicken to sell. Even though it's in their name.

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*Oddly enough I did not find Kevin Bacon in this process.

**The name of NFCPR has been changed to please D

Up on a Soapbox...

2006-02-15T11:22:00.000-08:00

Rant, Rant, Rant.

WARNING: This post will get ALL of you worked up.

There are few things in this world that get me worked up to the point of furious. Yes, I tend to be a little imaginative in my description of the world as I see it and yes, I do happen to get in a twitter over things of little significance to others. However, I just can't hold this in anymore.

There seems to be this whole underworld of people who are actually anti-adoption. They claim that adoption should be the last resort a mother should take. They say that children are wrongfully taken from their "true mothers." Agencies supposedly coerce young women into giving up their children. Some even go so far as to say the agencies only do this for profit.

Can you believe this?! People also think that those who are unable to produce biological offspring are truly not meant to be parents!! They believe that an adoptive parent is unable to provide the same nurturing environment that a "true mother" can. And they use that term, "true mother."

Are these the same people who think that a woman with no money and no job, living on welfare should actually parent a child. A young teenage girl who accidentally gets pregnant and has her whole life ahead of her should drop out of high school to raise a child? The young college pre-law student who gets raped at a party and ends up pregnant should throw her dreams out the window?

What about these children? The woman who is a crack whore and gets pregnant everytime she turns around. She has lost count of how many babies she has. She can't afford to feed them because all her money goes to drugs. You think this woman should keep her baby? Or in the one smart moment this woman has she decides to give her child up for adoption and give this child a chance at a life instead of repeating what he sees his mother do.

Upon further reading these anti-adoption persons seem to be women who had in fact given up a child for adoption. My heart breaks for them. I can't believe they feel so bitter as to promote gross generalizations about the adoption world.

Without adoption I would not have my mom. The woman who raised me, who cared for me, who kissed my boo-boos and who would give her life for me. Without adoption my cousin would not have her little girl. And mostly without adoption I would not have Alexander.

My mom endured labor of the heart. The fear that some lady had control over her and could come take her little girl at any moment. My mother was set to run. I love her for that. I couldn't be more grateful for that. My mom will never give up on me and I will never give up on my mom.

I love the woman who carried me. I won't call her my mom, my bio-mom, my birth mom or any other term as such. This woman loved me so much to know that she couldn't provide the life that I deserved. So she gave me up. I will forever be grateful for the girl that carried A. She knew she too could not provide this little boy with a life he deserved. She will always hold a place of honor in my heart.

So BAH on all of the anti-adoption freaks out there. I am sorry you are so bitter.

More on Chicken

2006-02-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

or is it moron chicken? I'll go with the latter.

I never in a million years would have thought that our blog would digress to such poor writing as to speak of chicken. If I had a way to upload video I would give you the video our JR high kids took from the Halloween party. I am not kidding when I tell you there is 5 minutes of one of the girls eating none other than... chicken.

Saturday D and I were driving to one of our favorite local burger joints for lunch. On the way there was a group of young people (let's call them hippies) protesting the aforementioned NFCPR. Now I know that this particular chain has irritated me in the past, but it is not enough to actually protest. Upon closer inspection the signs the hippies were toting displayed graphic cartoons of chickens being killed. One of the female hippies held a sign stating "Go Vegan." They were actually protesting because NFCPR sold meat! I would have loved to stop and ask them their source stating that NFCPR was in fact cruel to their chickens.

So this morning D and I were having a conversation about NFCPR. We have determined that, addictive ingredient or not, I can never again have chicken from this place. D informed me that he is not protesting them because they are cruel to chicken, he is protesting them because they are stupid.

D is now on a campaign against stupidity. He finds that it will be impossible to rid the world of the stupidity, he is just going to point it out. I told him he just needed to start his own blog that consists of all of his rants about stupidity. Even if people don't read it, I would. His stories are hilarious and I need a pick me up on occasion.

How do you run out of chicken?

2006-02-13T09:39:00.000-08:00

Two Sundays per month, L and I are in charge of High School youth group at the church. Since we start at 6:30pm we provide dinner for the kids. So as we are driving around Seattle yesterday, we begin the discussion that we have every time we have youth group... "So" I say, "What are we going to feed the kids tonight?" L says, "I don't know... chicken?" The discussion then moves on to where to acquire said chicken (fried in this case). The choices come down to local mega-mart or national fried chicken parts retailer (NFCPR). We don't come to any particular decision until driving to get said chicken. As we're passing the local mega-mart, L says "I thought you were going there?" But, no, I decided to go to NFCPR.

Now mind you that they are in the middle of renovating the local outlet of NFCPR, so when we pull up the whole building is covered in plastic wrap and has scaffolding all over the place. But it's fine, so we head on in. The discussion ensues about how much chicken we need to satisfy 8-12 hungry teenagers. We decide on the 20 piece with all the fixins. So we head up to the counter to place our order... "We would like a 20 piece meal deal, please." Now you would think that as the words came out of my mouth that I simultaneously grew a second head by the look I got from the order taking monkey (OTM). Evidently right before we got there, word had spread that there might be a chicken shortage and there was a run on fried chicken (or something). Yes, that's right, they were OUT OF CHICKEN! How do you run out of chicken? You only sell ONE product! CHICKEN! I mean it's in the name of the restaurant! And the OTM looked so put-out that we would have the audacity to come into NFCPR and order such a large amount of chicken. I wanted to say "I'm sorry for ordering so much of the product that your chain exists to sell." And of course by this time we were going to be late so there was no time to leave and go somewhere else. So we had to wait a good 10-15 minutes while they made more of just about everything. Chicken, biscuits, gravy... You name it, they were out. I guess that what you get when you hire people who don't think past their next company allotted smoke break.

To add insult to injury, when we finally got to the church and I started unpacking our fried chicken feast... they shorted us one order of mashed potatoes!

I hate you NFCPR.

Phone company wars

2006-02-12T11:11:00.000-08:00

I have an arch rival. Major phone company (#1 & #2)

A few years ago D decided to sign up for some fancy new package plan that MPC #1 was offering. You know, one of those deals that if you sign up you can get 3 months of 1/2 price DSL. About 6 months after signing up we get a phone message from the MPC #1 saying to call them because they don't want to lose us as a customer. Not knowing exactly what they were talking about I called back. They claim that D called to cancel our phone and DSL. I actually can't remember why D did call the phone company, but it was not to cancel our service. I explained to them that we did not want to cancel. In the process of this little phone conversation the monkey at the phone company then tried to tell me that we hadn't paid our DSL bill in over 6 months. Now the DSL charges come on the phone bill so if I paid the phone bill I obviously would have paid the DSL. I looked through my statements and sure enough MPC #1 had not charged me for DSL in 6 months. I called MPC #1 back and showed them their error. I said that I would appreciate it if they would start charging me and please do not turn off my internet. The monkey assured me that our internet would not be turned off.

A few days later I tried to get onto the internet to do none other than buy hockey tickets. Lo and behold... my internet did not work. Shocking! I snatched up the phone and dialed MPC #1. I got monkey #2. I explained the situation and he assured me that there was no mistake and that we had not paid our DSL bill. Can you feel the rage building? Not only was this monkey telling me I was wrong, he was standing in my way of hockey tickets! I asked to speak to his supervisor. I was put on perma-hold. Of course to make matters worse I had phoned MPC #1 from my home phone, but had to leave to pick D and his dad up from the airport. I was so close to speaking with Middle Management Monkey #1, but I had to hang up and go.

MPC #1 was so adamant that I was wrong the never turned my DSL back on. D ended up switching our service to another provider. I wrote a nasty letter to MPC #1, copied the BBB, but never received a reply. To this day they are on my *hit list.

Fast forward about a year. My shear hate for MPC #1 grew to the point of disgust. I made the executive decision one day to switch to MPC #2. These people were fantastic. So polite on the phone. I loved them. I went as far as to recommend them to people. This proved to be a bad move. The in-laws signed up with MPC #2 also. I can't remember what happened, but they did something to piss my FIL off. And that doesn't happen very often. D definitely gets his calmness from his dad.

When D and I bought our house I went through the usual motions of switching the power, gas and phone. I called MPC #2 and stated my desire to move my service to my new residence. They informed me that it would take 6 weeks to move our service. 6 WEEKS?! How hard is it to push a few buttons and move the service. They informed me that I could get service with them faster if I cancelled my existing service, signed up with MPC #1 and then switched that service to MPC #2. Sound complicated? It was.

The first day we lived in our new home I called up MPC #2 to have my service switched back to them. They said no problem and did the deed. A month later I got a bill in the mail from MPC #2. Being the studious bill payer I can be on occasion I wrote my little check and mailed off the bill. Being the uber flake that I am, it didn't occur to me that something was amiss when another bill arrived 2 weeks later. Again, I wrote a check. Now I said I was a flake, not stupid. So when the 3rd bill arrived in a matter of a month I knew something was up. Sure enough the account numbers on bill #1 and bill #2 did not match. Bill #2 had the account number from our old phone.

I picked up the telephone and called MPC #2. I explained their mistake and they had the audacity to also tell me I was wrong. Lucky for them they were not standing between me and a hockey game. They claimed I never cancelled the old phone. I informed them of their mistake and asked to be given a credit for this bill and please cancel this account. MPC #2 monkey assured me it would be taken care of.

The next month arrives and along with it 2 bills from MPC #2. I go through the process of calling them, telling them their mistake and asking for the credit. They oblige.

The next month arrives, so does another bill. 3 months people... 3 months. I have called them, they have given me the credit, but they are really starting to annoy me.

When it happens for the 4th month... what happens? Does L turn into a raving lunatic? (the L of today would have reached through the phone and ripped off the ear of the jack ass on the other end) The L of then calmly called up MPC #2 and explained their error like they were a feakin' 2 year old! Apparently this is what it took. After that I only received one bill and better yet the next month... I got a $72 credit that they sent me in error.

Now the honest person would have sent the check back with a note stating that they sent this in error. But would I? Noooooo. I cashed that baby!

Oddly enough I remained a customer of MPC #2 for another 2 years. I didn't really have anywhere else to go. Until the holy grail of the communication system came along. Voice over IP. Why didn't I just use our cell phones and cancel our home phone all together you ask? I hate the cell phone company just as much as MPC #1 & #2.

Voice over IP is the best thing since... well since hockey. It took a while to get set up, but once we had it, golden my friends, golden. The only drawback is our phone is dependent on the internet. If we have an internet outage, we have no phone. Of course we do have cell phones and so it doesn't matter as much.

There you have it. The reason I hate Major Phone Companies so much.

Happy Dancing around the house!

2006-02-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

Again... No, we did not get the piece of paper. I find it strange that I have to preface good news for me with "It is not THE news." Funny.

WE ARE GETTING TIVO!!! Yes we live in the stone age. We do not yet have Tivo, but come Monday we will be cool like that. Of course technically it is just a DVR and not real Tivo brand Tivo, but I don't freakin' care!

I think I am the only citizen of this country who actually likes the winter Olympics. Why do I like the winter games? Ye have no clue do you. If you don't know you haven't been paying attention very well. I will spell it out for you H-O-C-K-E-Y. Olympic hockey rocks. I get to watch all of my favorite players play for their own countries, on bigger ice, with better rules. Something this good only comes around every, say... 4 YEARS. The women start today, but the men start on Wednesday. So come Wednesday, normally I would be glued to my television. But now... I have TIVO!! I can record the entire tournament and replay things like the nasty crosscheck Jager didn't get called for in Salt Lake. Ohhh, life is good.

So you want to know the real reason for the Tivo? Tuesday nights we have handbell choir. Tuesday night television is host to Commander and Chief and The Amazing Race at the same time. Of course both on when we are not home. We only have 1 VCR. Can't record both! Hence the Tivo.

TV doesn't dictate our lives... not at all.

Secretly I like curling too, but shhh, don't tell anyone!