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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
The unthinkable...
The unthinkable has happened. As you know, L and I waited all weekend because our agency facilitator had told us last week that we should be receiving an update about A on Monday. Well Monday finally rolled around and I came home to find a message from Olga on our phone. She asked that we call her back right away because she had info to share... there was a problem with A. As you can well imagine my heart sank as soon as I heard those words.

So, L and I sat together in our office and called Olga back. She asked if L was with me and I answered yes. I put her on speaker-phone so that we could both hear what she had to say. Now I don't know if it's because she talks so fast and has a heavy Russian accent or if it was because she was saying words we didn't want to hear, but we we're having a hard time understanding. The news that we had been waiting all weekend to hear, was the most devastating news that I have ever heard in my life. Our boy, the one we had been waiting to go get for over 9 months, was no longer available. Our hearts broke immediately. Here we had been patiently waiting, hoping, loving this little boy in Russia and now in one moment, he was gone.

You might be wondering (I know we are), "How could this happen?" Well, the MoE changed the rules late last year. The new rules requires that all family members be notified before the child could be adopted. It also requires that the child be seen by 3 different Russian families before being placed with a foreign family. So in the process of all of this, one of the Russian families saw little A and chose to adopt him.

So the question that we've been asking in our heart and out loud in the last 24 hours is "Where do we go from here?" In the process of our crying and grieving last night we really didn't have a clue. We couldn't really bear to think about it. With each passing hour it becomes a little more clear. We know this much: We aren't giving up that a child that is meant to be part of our family and we still believe that he (or she) is in Russia. We will continue to grieve the little boy that has been in our hearts for nearly a year, but have some peace knowing that he has a forever family and no longer has to live in an orphanage. It doesn't make it hurt any less but at least it allows us to move ahead.

So now, even with a heavy heart, we forge ahead. We ask all of our friends and family for your thoughts and prayers during this time. We have to believe that some things happen for a reason. At this point we don't know what that reason is. We don't know why this child wasn't meant for us, but continue to believe that there is one out there that is. We are continuing to put our trust in God and walking the path that he lays in front of us. We don't know where it will leads us but I know that together we can get through anything.
Blogger Rhonda said...
My heart hurts for you guys. I am so very sorry about this news. Its just unbelievable.

Blogger Liv said...
I'm so sorry Lisa. Sadly, I know that pain you are going through. I'm trying to write something helpful, but I know it won't be. I'm thinking about you and hurting with you too.

Blogger fuzzandfuzzlet said...
I am sorry for your loss. We had a failed adoption prior to to being blessed with our son ( and later a daughter)

If you want to talk feel free to email. I know your heart is broken, but when you find and bring home your baby you will find a level of healing you never knew existed.

Lori (

Blogger Sig said...
Oh Lisa, my heart is breaking for you. I know we have to belieev that this was Gods wish and His way, but I am sure it does not take the pain away right now. Only when your baby is home, will you understand WHY.
I hope you mourn and heal quickly and then your agency finds you another child that comes home to you guys.
Big hugs to you both.

Blogger Margaret said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Margaret said...
This is just so hard. Know that I'm thinking of you and I'm here for you.

Blogger jeneflower said...
Sorry for the long email last night. I was struggling to understand it myself. I am glad that you are sounding a little bit more O.K. about it.

Blogger The Belanich's said...
You are in my thoughts and Prayers! I am so very sorry for your loss. I truly at a loss for words right now. GOD BLESS YOU and your Family.

Sandy B

Anonymous Janet (Rhonda's mom) said...
My heart aches for you. Truly words fail me at this time. You remain in my prayers and thoughts.

Anonymous Mary said...
Derek and Lisa,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I cry as I type this as the same thing has happened to Brian and I. I am so very sorry you are also experiencing this loss. I would say that there is a reason for everything that happens but I choose not to. Only because if I hear it one more time I will jump out a window.
God Bless,

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Lisa and Derek:
We have walked in your shoes and we grieve with you. You both are in our prayers.....
Cathy and Nick

Blogger Kim said...
I am heartbroken for you guys. I know there are no guarantees until the adoption is over, but no one expects this. My eyes are full of tears for you. I can tell you are clinging to the one thing that will help in this time- God. I know your faith will see you through. I will pray daily for your peace, comfort, and direction. I mean that. I read a blog once that I told myself I would remember if it happened to us. They, too, had lost their child. They went through great grief. In the end, they said they didn't know why they had been taken down that road but they felt as if God had put this particular child on their hearts so they would pray for him the rest of their lives, even though he wouldn't be in their family. They went on to adopt two beautiful children whom they love deeply. Words cannot express our sorrow. I'm glad you're moving forward.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dearest Lisa & Derek, Uncle Tom and I are praying for you. Our hearts are broken right along with yours. We had fallen in love with A and we hadn't even met him yet! So we can only imagine the heartache and grief that you are going thru now. I agree with you that God has another child meant just for you. We pray that you find him or her soon. We love you. Again, please know that we are praying for you. Love & Big Hugs, Aunt Jan & Uncle Tom

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dear Derek and Missy,
Our continued prayers and love are with you always. Please know we support you now, as we have since you called us with the news in Nov. 2004 that you were adopting, and will continued to do so now. All our love,
Lee, Wayne and Bethany

Blogger Sinklier Family said...
Derek and Lisa,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I know that there is nothing I can do or say to make it better, but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I'm wishing you the courage it takes to forge ahead.


Blogger Starfish said...
Well that sure sucks. I imagine that the day you have your child, you will realize that without going through all this nonsense, you would never have ended up with him/her, the child you were truly meant to love.

Good luck and hang in is worth it in the end.

Blogger M3 (Mary-Mia) said...
Derek and Lisa, I am so, so sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking for you. I don't even know what to say. Sending love,

Blogger bethee said...
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you. :)

Anonymous Levin said...
Derek and Lisa -

I am so sorry for your devastating news. Please take care and know that you are in my prayers.


Blogger Tricia said...
Dear Derek and Lisa,
Wow, I am shocked by this news and feel devastated for you guys. Please know that I am thinking of you and if there's anything you need please let me know.
Take care, Tricia

Blogger -Jenny said...
I am just devestated for you. I knew just from the first line what it was and I can say that I am deeply sorry for your loss. This is just horrible and I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my heart until, god, fate, the wind brings you peace and a child.

much love-Jen

Dear Derek and Lisa,
We are so sorry for your loss. We can't imagine what you are going through. We are amazed by your strength and know that you will find a child for your family in Russia. You are in our thoughts.
Melissa and Jason

Anonymous Anonymous said...
So very sorry. This happened to me as well. It was such a dark experience. I'm so glad I didn't give up and I'm glad you aren't either. Let me know if you need to vent anytime. Serena

Anonymous Naomi said...
I am so very sorry for your loss.

Blogger Elle said...
I figured I should drop in to say a word.

I want to thank all of you for your love and support. We have been just overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family. We are doing remarkably well. We know that sometimes thing happen for a reason. We only hope this is one of those instances.

Please know that our agency has been fantastic through all of this. Our coordinator had to break bad news to 4 families that night. We know that this was beyond their control.

We are going forward, but are going to be very cautious in the future.

Again, thank you for all of your support. We can't imagine having to go through this without all of you.

Blessings, L

Anonymous Kathleen said...
Dear D and L,
For I understand your pain as I too went through the pain. Russia is a very hard adoption program to get through. You feel so helpless and pain fills every corner of your soul. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Our loss turned into something wonderful and you will get your something wonderful. There are no words to ease your pain only that you have to try and just take it one step at a time. You sound like you are hanging in there and that is good. Moving forward is all you can do and know that so many people are saying prayers for you and your family.

Hugs and Hope,

Blogger Jessica said...
Lisa and Derek,

I don't know what to say, but know that my thoughts and love are with you.

love, Jake

Blogger Lauri said...
Oh My God- Lisa Im so sorry- Im here feeling sorry for myself and I feel like a big ass-

My heart is breaking for you... big Hugs and I will write more when I get home...

Im so sorry this has happened to you


Derek and Lisa,

I am so sorry for the delay in my post. I want you to know how heartbroken that I am for you, it really, really hurts my heart for you guys. We will pray for you and send blessings your way. I will write more when I get back to the States. God Bless you both and may the Lord help keep you strong.

Blogger Gaye & Andrew said...
Derek & Lisa...

My heart is breaking for are in my thoughts.

Lisa, I will send you an email soon. BIG HUGS, Gaye

Blogger Pitypat said...
I am so sorry - my heart hurts for you - I know you must be devistated but God, in His infinate wisdom, has a plan for you.
"plans not to harm you but to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future ..."
A future with a baby of your own to love and cherish.
God bles syou both!!!

While searching the internet for adoption I found your site. I read your posting and I wanted to say I am so sorry. On July 14th, 2006 we also had a failed adoption. It hurts I know and the only wisdom I can offer is that when God closes a door he opens a window.

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