The unthinkable has happened. As you know, L and I waited all weekend because our agency facilitator had told us last week that we should be receiving an update about A on Monday. Well Monday finally rolled around and I came home to find a message from Olga on our phone. She asked that we call her back right away because she had info to share... there was a problem with A. As you can well imagine my heart sank as soon as I heard those words.

So, L and I sat together in our office and called Olga back. She asked if L was with me and I answered yes. I put her on speaker-phone so that we could both hear what she had to say. Now I don't know if it's because she talks so fast and has a heavy Russian accent or if it was because she was saying words we didn't want to hear, but we we're having a hard time understanding. The news that we had been waiting all weekend to hear, was the most devastating news that I have ever heard in my life. Our boy, the one we had been waiting to go get for over 9 months, was no longer available. Our hearts broke immediately. Here we had been patiently waiting, hoping, loving this little boy in Russia and now in one moment, he was gone.

You might be wondering (I know we are), "How could this happen?" Well, the MoE changed the rules late last year. The new rules requires that all family members be notified before the child could be adopted. It also requires that the child be seen by 3 different Russian families before being placed with a foreign family. So in the process of all of this, one of the Russian families saw little A and chose to adopt him.

So the question that we've been asking in our heart and out loud in the last 24 hours is "Where do we go from here?" In the process of our crying and grieving last night we really didn't have a clue. We couldn't really bear to think about it. With each passing hour it becomes a little more clear. We know this much: We aren't giving up that a child that is meant to be part of our family and we still believe that he (or she) is in Russia. We will continue to grieve the little boy that has been in our hearts for nearly a year, but have some peace knowing that he has a forever family and no longer has to live in an orphanage. It doesn't make it hurt any less but at least it allows us to move ahead.

So now, even with a heavy heart, we forge ahead. We ask all of our friends and family for your thoughts and prayers during this time. We have to believe that some things happen for a reason. At this point we don't know what that reason is. We don't know why this child wasn't meant for us, but continue to believe that there is one out there that is. We are continuing to put our trust in God and walking the path that he lays in front of us. We don't know where it will leads us but I know that together we can get through anything.