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Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Coffee Talk: Parenthood
For months I read the blog of one of blogging's greats. Soper. Ah how I miss you Soper. Soper is an infertile turned adoptive mom. She and her husband recently returned home from Kazakhstan with their baby girl Moonpie. A regular feature on her blog was Infertile Coffee Talk.

I have frequently threatened my readers with a politically charged debate, however I am not politically motivated at this point. Just wait until Presidential elections roll around. Then I will have something to say.

In honor of Soper and Coffee Talk I thought I would institute this feature here. This will be an opportunity for you numerous lurkers to come out of the woodwork. I thought I would start with something that was actually published as part of the Uterine Wars Coffee Talk.

Top 10 things I resolve to do as a parent.

1. I too will not throw elaborate birthday parties requiring me to purchase gifts for all small children in attendance. I did not get gifts at a friend's birthday party when I was a kid.

2. I will kick my child outside on nice days. Despite the fact that I watched way more Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street than the average child I did play outside on a regular basis.

3. I will give my child every opportunity to think for himself.

4. Much to my chagrin, if my son wants to play soccer I will let him. (don't think I won't try to talk him into hockey first)

5. I will make every attempt possible not to give in to whining. Even if this causes stink eye from the old ladies and other mommies in the grocery store.

6. I will expose my child to as many learning possibilities as he can handle.

7. I will be the adult in the house.

8. I will not be super sanitary mom. Boys are meant to get dirty.

9. I will make sure that we are a family first and foremost. I do not want our child to take over the relationship that D and I have worked for nearly 10 years to build.

10. I will strive to be the best mom I know that I can be.

I am very aware that there are resolutions that we make as a parent that fly right out the window as soon as our children come home. Many of these will probably fit into that category.

Your topic of discussion is to either complete your own list of resolutions as a parent or to inform those of us who are pre-children what resolutions you made that you did not keep. Post your feedback in the comments section. Don't be afraid please. I am sooo not a judgmental person and welcome everyone. You have until Thursday, 7:00 p.m. Pacific, time to post your thoughts since the Weekly Update gets posted at 7 on Thursdays.
Blogger Lauri said...
Great Post Lisa-here are my thoughts on parenting more focused on what I dont want to do or become

I will not be a short order cook and our child will eat what Im fixing for supper ( you know those Moms who say little Jimmy only eats pretzels & nuggets)

I agree with the whining.... a big issue with me-especially once a child is capable to express them selves. I wont play into that game- Im a big "use your words" fan

I will be consistant and clear - If i threaten that we will leave the store if Olivia does that one more time- we ARE leaving the store

I will not over indulge her

she will have manners and be respectful of others

- OMG now i sound like a drill sergant parent......

Blogger M3 said...
Hey I think these are GREAT resolutions!!! Can I just print them out and paste them on my fridge, because I love them all.

Blogger Sinklier Family said...
No TV in the kids room... I have stuck by this one.

No video games... I don't let them play, but my hubby and brother who lives with us play them so can't avoid it.

I really really really wanted us to eat dinner together at the table with no TV on... don't really have a dining table we all fit at, and the hubby LOVES to watch tv at dinner so, this one is out the window but I'd like to implement dinner with no tv at least once a week.. we'll see don't really have the energy to fight that battle now

I'm with Lauri on the short order cook thing, but you'd be suprised how picky some kids can be. My oldest is a self proclaimed vegetarian, he says it makes him "feel guilty" to eat meat. So although I don't short order cook for him, dinnertime can be challenging. I swore I'd never fight with my kids about food, eat it or don't but not a battle I choose to fight : )

Consistancy is BIG, Huge!!! especially between the parents!!!

I defintely "pick my battles" and "don't sweat the small stuff" I stick by these most of the time: ) The best pieces of parenting advice for sure.

over-abundance of toys and things...I swore my kids would not have too much stuff...everytime they got something new, they'd have to get rid of something else. In theroy this is a great one, but haven't really been able to practice it. You should see my kids rooms : ) I don't even buy it all for them, birthdays, christmas, suprise gifts from grandmas, boy the stuff adds up quick!!!

Respect! it's our #1 rule and it can encompass sooo much...

well there you have two cents what ever that's worth : )

Blogger Sinklier Family said...
Oh sorry one more...

I always said I'd allow and encourage my kids to be themselves... They can like what they want to like. I try to encourage and develop thier interests, not the interests I want them to have. Teach them that it's okay to be them!

That one's important to us too!

: )

Blogger Sig said...
You are so cute Lisa!
Can't say I have any regrets or anything I do that I said I wouldn't. I said I would love and accept my children for who and what they were unconditionally. This was my big rule and I have stuck to it. Yes, they have too many toys, yes they play video games and they are picky eaters (however, whining is NOT tolerated), but they are incredible, honest, loving and all straight A kids (well the oldest 4, the younger 2 are still too young for school). Treat them with respect and they will respect you back. Teach them trust and they will want to keep that trust and most of all, be the parent, not the "friend" and they will know to follow rules. Consistent rules and positive parenting (A BIGGIE!) is where it is at.
After 20 years of parenting, that's what I have learned. I get the question all the time how my kids are all so kids say that the worst thing in the world for them would be to disappoint Mom. That one always gets me ;)

Blogger A Room to Grow said...
this is a good idea. i will participate next week when i'm back from chicago.

Blogger Maggie said...
My vows for parenthood were really ambitious before I had Peanut in my home. Then he taught me a few things. But these remain intact:

1) I will help him keep his culture and his language.

2) I will help him have an open-mind and be accepting of other cultures, religions, preferances, etc.

3) I will treat him with respect and expect him to treat me the same. But I will quickly forgive when he slips.

4) I'll stick to my guns when I know I'm right -- no amount of pouting will change my mind.

5) I will be goofy and silly and laugh with my son.

6) I will tell him that I love him and that I'm proud of him often.

7) I'll make sure he understands and feels security and safety with me always.

Blogger Jennefer said...
Before kids I had my own list like that. I can't remember what was on it though. I follow that kids party rule that you have and I always get snide remarks from the other kids ("Why are we eating outside instead of in a party room? Where's our take home prize or treat, etc.") Some kids stick up for me ("We don't have to have that!"). I usually just don't respond.

I finally got my kids to give up their video game system and donate their games to a nearby hospital. However, I lost a good friend over this because when I told her about it she thought I was being self-righteous. My kids still play the hand held games.

I don't short order cook, but I do try to cook meals that everyone in the family likes. Everyon has to eat vegetables and or fruit at dinner. I am not one to try new gourmet stuff and make everyone eat it. Meals are much more pleasant that way.

I think the most important things are

1. Be proud of your kids and let them and others know it

2. Put the kids to be early every night- early enough so that there can be a nightly ritual (like a bath, story, prayers, some talking time or discussions) then also time for couple time before you are too exhausted.

3. Teach them everything you can ever think of at every opportunity (don't preach, but don't assume they understand anything before you have specifically taught them)

Sorry so long!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I will try not to be a "super mom" - trying to please everyone at work and at home. My focus is home and my family and if work suffers a little because of that...oh well.

I've heard of a book and I think it's titled "supermom" or something like that. It talks about trying not to do everything, cause you'll never get it all done. Focus on what's the most important!

Love hockey, but soccer's my sport. The great thing about these two activities is that they are in different he'll be able to do both!