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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Up on a Soapbox...
Rant, Rant, Rant.

WARNING: This post will get ALL of you worked up.

There are few things in this world that get me worked up to the point of furious. Yes, I tend to be a little imaginative in my description of the world as I see it and yes, I do happen to get in a twitter over things of little significance to others. However, I just can't hold this in anymore.

There seems to be this whole underworld of people who are actually anti-adoption. They claim that adoption should be the last resort a mother should take. They say that children are wrongfully taken from their "true mothers." Agencies supposedly coerce young women into giving up their children. Some even go so far as to say the agencies only do this for profit.

Can you believe this?! People also think that those who are unable to produce biological offspring are truly not meant to be parents!! They believe that an adoptive parent is unable to provide the same nurturing environment that a "true mother" can. And they use that term, "true mother."

Are these the same people who think that a woman with no money and no job, living on welfare should actually parent a child. A young teenage girl who accidentally gets pregnant and has her whole life ahead of her should drop out of high school to raise a child? The young college pre-law student who gets raped at a party and ends up pregnant should throw her dreams out the window?

What about these children? The woman who is a crack whore and gets pregnant everytime she turns around. She has lost count of how many babies she has. She can't afford to feed them because all her money goes to drugs. You think this woman should keep her baby? Or in the one smart moment this woman has she decides to give her child up for adoption and give this child a chance at a life instead of repeating what he sees his mother do.

Upon further reading these anti-adoption persons seem to be women who had in fact given up a child for adoption. My heart breaks for them. I can't believe they feel so bitter as to promote gross generalizations about the adoption world.

Without adoption I would not have my mom. The woman who raised me, who cared for me, who kissed my boo-boos and who would give her life for me. Without adoption my cousin would not have her little girl. And mostly without adoption I would not have Alexander.

My mom endured labor of the heart. The fear that some lady had control over her and could come take her little girl at any moment. My mother was set to run. I love her for that. I couldn't be more grateful for that. My mom will never give up on me and I will never give up on my mom.

I love the woman who carried me. I won't call her my mom, my bio-mom, my birth mom or any other term as such. This woman loved me so much to know that she couldn't provide the life that I deserved. So she gave me up. I will forever be grateful for the girl that carried A. She knew she too could not provide this little boy with a life he deserved. She will always hold a place of honor in my heart.

So BAH on all of the anti-adoption freaks out there. I am sorry you are so bitter.
Blogger Lauri said...
I will pull up a soapbox right next to ya and we will stand united


Blogger -Jenny said...
Me three.

Blogger Margaret said...
Count me in.

At work today the UPS guy noticed my computer wallpaper of all 13 kids that came here this summer. He asked about it and I tried to just say "that's my boy." But he questioned it further. Upon explanation he asked if they were all being adopted. When I pointed out one kiddo whose birthmom is petitioning for reinstatement of rights he said "Well, that's better anyway."

Sure, UPS guy, an abusive, alcoholic, poverty-stricken woman with mental health issues is the better choice. Grrrr...

Blogger Gaye & Andrew said...
why oh why are people so ignorant? I haven't really encountered anyone like that yet in our adoption journey, but they better hope they don't run into me or any of my blogging friends. :) gaye

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is such an interesting subject. I'm glad to have your input. When I was trying to adopt I remember feeling at one point like some people feel I'm trying to commit a crime. There is some weird stuff out there. Why are some adopted people so bitter and others not? Its enough to scare people off.

Thanks for getting on your soapbox.

Serena (still hoping and praying for you)

Anonymous Mary said...
You've echoed my thoughts (and words) completely!

Blogger jeneflower said...
I have had some strange comments from people as well(including our parents)- wondering why we would adopt if we can have more of our bio kids.

I read an article about international adoption as a teenager and I knew that I would do that someday. Those kids need homes. In fact I told my husband that if everyone (every nice person anyway) adopted at least one child what a difference that would make in the world.

I do feel bad for those girls who feel pressure to give up their babies (I know some agencies do put pressure on them- they have so many wonderful waiting parents and they see this woman who is struggling). I am sure they feel a loss, but it is better for the child in the end. It is a hard situation for everyone. I think their bitterness has blinded them to the good.

Blogger jeneflower said...
I wanted to clarify that when I said that agencies do sometimes pressure women to give up their babies I was speaking of domestic, not international situations.

Blogger Rhonda said...
I hear ya. And WHY people seem to need to voice that opinion to those of us who are waiting to adopt, I have no idea. Can you imagine this world if there were no such thing as adoption? What would happen to children who have no homes? Its not only a good thing, its a NECESSARY thing for society. I think these people who are against adoption fall into D's stupid campaign.

Blogger Tricia said...
I'm too tired to join the soapbox tonight but thanks to everyone else who is standing up for us folk who choose adoption.

Packing, Working & Sleeping,

Blogger Soon2B-Mom2-3 said...
Hi There,
I just happened upon your blog and thought I would comment. We are adopting from Russia and I am obviously pro-adoption. Early in the process I read some of the websites that are soooo anti-adoption and they talk about the primal wound and all that. It freaked me out so much that I nearly scrapped the idea and went back to having another bio-baby. But since then I've been able to gain some perspective. When you read some of the domestic adoption horror stories and how these women were treated it is easy to see how this pain could take over their lives. I also believe that adoption should be and usually is the last alternative. The vast majority oif women who give birth would like to keep their babies, but their circumstances may not allow that. I do believe, unless they are dangerous to their child, that decision should be theirs. This seems to be much more of an issue with domestic adoption. With 700,000 children in Russian orphanges there is a clear need. But, then you look at Cambodia....

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