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Thursday, January 05, 2006
Thoughts of today
Well it seems like forever since I've posted anything to the blog. I'm sure that you all have been enjoying the posts from Best Mom Ever (BME), and maybe wondering if I had anything to say. I spent some time this morning looking back at the beginning of this adventure/blog. We certainly have come a long way. I often try to remind myself of the promise that L and I made when we started all this: We agreed to take things as they came. That we knew that this process would have its up and downs and that we would try our hardest try to stay on an even keel. It has been awfully hard lately to be patient, accept things and let go of the things that we cannot control. How do you not get caught up in the rumors, speculations, and "what-ifs"? I will be the first to admit that the last six months have been the hardest of my life. It's hard not to be angry, sad, or wonder if this adoption will ever happen. It would be easy to say how unfair it has all been. How it's unfair that all our friends around us are having babies and adding to their families. How unfair it is when you hear about other friends son and daughter getting their domestically adopted baby before us even though we started our process before them.

But then I take a deep breath and stop... and think. I go back and read our posts about the day that we met our son. The day that we got to hold him for the first time. The day we made a mess feeding him the first time, saw him smile for the first time and heard his laugh for the first time. It could be dis-heartening to think of "firsts" that we have probably missed, but I would rather think about all the firsts we experienced and of all the firsts that we will experience together in the future. The only certainty we have right now is that we cannot give up or give in because there is a little boy in Russia that is depending on us to come back for him. So we will continue to wait along with countless other families for the now infamous reaccreditation to happen. I know that with L by my side I can get though anything. Hey, we've made it this far at least.

-D
6 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dad and I have been sad not to have Alexander home yet - you're right, Derek, it does seem unfair and certainly a difficult path to be on. But, we want to tell you both how often you manage to say just the perfect thing on the blog that lifts our spirits and gives just the right encouragement to us - how you can do that for others during your journey is simply a wondrous gift to the rest of us. We want to say again that we pray many times a day for you and Missy to keep going forward for there is truly no going back, nor do we want to for we are far closer to having Sasha with us at this point than ever before. Thank you for the example of your courage, your faith walk and the deep, abiding love you have for your son. Love, Mom

Blogger Elle said...
So do you guys see now why I married this guy. I simply could not survive without him.
Thanks D, I needed that today.
L

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Reading the latest post on your blog brought tears to my eyes. Uncle Tom and I pray for you all too. 2006 will be YOUR year and you will be bringing little Alex home soon. Love you, Aunt Jan

Blogger M3 (Mary-Mia) said...
The waiting is hard, hard, hard. I feel for you! Hope you hear good news soon!

Blogger Rhonda said...
I hope we hear good news soon Derek. You two have each other through this tough time, and that's a wonderful gift. You're going to be great parents. Here's to reaccreditation in January!

Blogger Margaret said...
I'm in the "waiting for accreditation" boat, too. I find that sadness comes in waves, but faith inevitably still there.

I'm adopting an 8-year-old - don't worry about any "firsts" you're missing. When my boy stayed this summer he lost a couple of teeth. The "firsts" continue for a long time!

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