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Sunday, January 29, 2006
The Dinner
Picture, if you will, a woman sitting at a table in a hotel. She is wearing a dark fuchsia pink strapless ball gown and feeling a little over dressed. Strange people come up to her and tell her how much they like her dress. She socializes with the others seated at the table and tries to calm her fear of over dressing with wine. Then it begins... a parade of high-five'n-white guys. Men dressed in suits congratulating themselves on a job well done. She has entered...

The Nerd Zone...

The Nerd Zone is a place caught somewhere between reality and utter freakdom. It is a place where the nerds can come together to celebrate their true nerdiness. These nerds we speak of are none other than life insurance salesmen. Not only are they insurance salesmen they are all Lutheran.
The woman sits captivated by the shear nerdiness of this event. There are power point presentations with star wars music. Cheesy motivational speeches on how to be a team player. Congratulations to those who have the most ABC's and QR-47's and special recognition on those who remembered to put the new cover sheet on the TPS report. Maybe even one or two who needed to refine the act of the XYZ. The only thing saving the woman from becoming one of them is the hosted bar.
The evening concludes with the ritual dance of the nerd. Imagine 50 of the nerds in close proximity. They have also partaken of the hosted bar. Music begins playing. The woman recognizes the music. She takes another large drink from her wine glass. The song... The YMCA.


This year D celebrated his 5 year anniversary with his employer. Yes his employer is a life insurance company that serves the Lutheran Community. They hold this fancy dinner every year. 5 years I have been going to this little shindig. I get a new dress, do up my hair and the thing that saves me every year is the wine. Copious amounts of wine.
Now don't get me wrong. I appreciate the event. We get a night in a hotel for free. Usually a very nice hotel. I get a free dinner and there is that hosted bar. But the thought of sitting in a room with God only knows how many life insurance salesmen makes me want to just run.
The worst part is admitting that you are actually aging. The newbies look younger and younger every year. When in reality it is I who am looking older and feeling older.

I had to go to the bathroom at one point and I overheard two of the newbie girlfriends or wives talking. The conversation went a little something like this.

#1: OMG!!! did you see "Mary's*" dress.
#2: No, what did it look like?
#1: It is totally awesome! It is like this short silver thing. She looks so good!
#2: That is so cool... I mean I can't believe what some people where to this.
#1: oh I know, the invitation said cocktail dress, but exactly what is a cocktail dress?

I thought they seriously were going to bust into a whole thing about "Did you see how that whore Jane was looking at me? Like, who does she think she is macking on my boyfriend like that?"
When exactly did I get back to highschool?

*"Mary's" dress was killer!! I have this secret personal war to try to out do her every year, but this year I failed miserably!! That dress rocked!

So as far as the dress picture goes... Sorry bloggy fans... the photo is not flattering. D took a photo of me in the room before we went down to dinner. I kinda stood at an angle to the camera and I think I look like 2 ton tilley. So no photo for you. You want to see what I look like? There is one photo of me out there on the internet. You will just have to find it.

So that is our fancy dress-up dinner. I will add a disclaimer that I have had 2 hours of sleep and anything in this post may or may not be true once I have had my fair share of shut eye.

now that I have had some sleep and re-read my post... I still find it funny. Don't get me wrong, D's company goes all out for this thing. Good hotel, good food, an excuse to get dressed up, but it is diffcult for us.
When you feel like you are the only one in the room who is not recognized for any professional accomplishment this year, you have to find humor in the situation somehow. And remember I am verging on the edge of crazy here people. Just live with me.
Blogger Margaret said...
So funny, Lisa. I used to work at a software company and we had a formal party every year. Lots of computer nerds in ill-fitting rented tuxedos dancing around to (yes, it's as horrible in the midwest) YMCA.

It really wasn't as bad as she made it out to be. Yes, the industry jargon and awards were flying around, and there were countless inspirational speeches, and.... wait where was I going with this? Hey at least we got to see some friends that we don't get to see all that often. That's got to be something doesn't it?

Blogger Rhonda said...
It sounds like the bar was necessary. LOL. Having been to plenty of those myself, I feel your pain :) It still sounds like you guys had a fun evening, regardless of the nerd factor.

Blogger M3 (Mary-Mia) said...
Psssst, wanna hear my terrible secret? I *hate* corporate functions. Shhhh, don't tell anyone. But I really, really hate them. I'm with you, the first thing I do is check out the open bar, then I head for the free food, and then I check my watch (very cooly and subtly of course) about 18 gajillion times.

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